Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
