I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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