I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
