Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
