my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
