you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
