dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
