hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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