So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
