I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
