I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need to align my fucking chakras
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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