I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
