I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
