I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
