He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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