You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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