my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
