margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
