After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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