so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
