We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
