you win again, gameday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
