So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
