Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
