There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
