I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
