white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
