I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
