living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
