You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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