I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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