just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
