so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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