I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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