doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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