TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
