he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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