no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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