Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
