it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
