Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
