My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
