You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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