I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
