do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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