Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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