If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found the puke drawer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize