I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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