Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
