I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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