Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
