We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
