Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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