You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
