If that was your dad, he is hot
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize