Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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