god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
