The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
