if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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