oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
