You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
