I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
