wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
