If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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