Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
