he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
