how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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