i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I checked into jail on foursquare
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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