Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
