Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
third nipple confirmed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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