My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
