these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
