I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
