I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
