Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
