is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
