turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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