Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
