her vagine was all disorganized.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
