My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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