It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
