Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
