dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
