fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
