the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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