Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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