Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
