im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
