Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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