You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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